created june 1-5, 1999

uploaded june 6, 1999

visits since 1997

Nothing Gold

consistent thing in life is change

but I don't mind telling ya,

I ain't a fan of it. Frankly,

there have been a few too many

changes in my life lately and

there are drumbeats of more change

coming from just over the horizon.

If it doesn't let up soon

I may just throw up my hands

and run away, leaving no forwarding

address. Of course, that would be

a huge change, but at least I would feel

some measure of control. Uh-oh,

you don't think this is some

kind of psychological revelation

about me being a control queen,

do you?

Well, even if it is, and I'm not

saying it is, but even if it is, and

it's probably not, but so what if it

is? Let's face our changephobia

head-on and RELAUNCH this web page.

Shall we? Now, read every word

and enjoy every minute you spend

here.

My So-Called Wife

one consistent thing:

Those WACKY Mormons!

I never get tired of reading about

loopy religious cults, do you?

From the June, 1999, Harper's Index:

"Last date on which it was legal

in Utah for 14-year-olds

to marry: May 2, 1999."

(Italics mine.)

Above photo of the "gorgeous" Great Salt Lake
taken by my page's most frequent photog, Derek.
He shot it on his recent cross-country drive at the
end of May (thanx dare!). I'm afraid the pixilated thumbnail
rendering of the photo doesn't quite capture
the fecal browns or industrial grays of the original.
Of course the Mormon settlers thought it was paradise,
an aesthetic choice I would never mock by saying
"Ick!' or "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

be a real stickler for accuracy and

details. While at a karaoke bar he

once took great pains

to explain to me that I was badly

mispronouncing the word "carry-

oak-ee," when it is in fact pro-

nounced "kah-roh-key." This was

while I was considering doing a

jamming version of John Waite's

"Missing You" in a long-distance

dedication to a former heartthrob.


Recently, I found myself in another

Learning Moment courtesy my wise and

learned pal. Ya'see, it's been

unseasonably hot where we live and

I'd been seriously sweating and

complaining and considering shaving

my beard off.

"Should I take it all the way off

or just go down to a goatee?" I asked Ken.

Ken raised an eyebrow and said, "You

know, a lot of people make references to

having goatees, but what they don't seem

to realize is that a goatee is a growth

of hair on the chin only. If they have

moustaches, then they aren't sporting

goatees at all."

"Really?" I replied. "What are those called?"

"Those are called 'Van Dykes,'" he said.

"At long last," I said, "I finally do

know everything." Ken, you are my Wilson.

“FiveTwoOneNineNine”

straight down vertical to the ground that it

was possible to leave the bedroom windows open

and not have any of it come in

through the screens. The white noise

whooshing was thick and lulling and

loud enough to distract me from my

endless, churning thoughts. It was a sound

that should have enveloped me and

brought me my first real night of sleep in months.


But at night, when it’s raining hard,

the airport near my city diverts its

international flights along a path

right over my house. And that night,

the jet engines blasted louder than

I can ever remember before and zipped

the travelers over my roof with a

numbing frequency.


I was prone, on my bed, staring at the ceiling,

longing to drown in the rain,

listening to the airliners,

knowing where they were going,

knowing who was on board,

and knowing who you were with.

“Rain,” John Lennon once sang, “I don’t mind.”

But I could not get to sleep.

A Perfect Circle
of aquaintances & friends
(the personal shout out section)

concert was one of the best shows

I've ever seen in my life! ... Rick,

thank you for the tour of

your tour of duty. I wouldn't

mind being deployed

to Northampton at all! ... Jules,

can't wait to see you in July,

any chance it'll be cool there? ...

Jane, why not just go ahead

and move here now? It'd be good

incentive for me not to take

off! ... Kel, wait, I vaguely

remember, you're the one with the big

shoulders, right? ("You're back, so you

get one now," he said in a pinched, nasal,

so-called "snotty" tone.) ... Ken, I already

told you you're my Wilson ... Jeff

and Jim, doomed to share a shout-out

as twins, God, I hope I see you

when I get back from The Hell Hole State! (no

offense intended Kelly) ...

Kristen, send photos! Photos needed!

Love to you and the Sophester.

Seumas, g'day mate! ... Jamie,

that was a funny message ... Eric,

the Hole/Imperial Teen concert you missed

was one of the best shows you never saw.

But then, everybody goes to Europe

this time of year, right?!? Welcome home....

S.O.S.

Read "Ease. Easy."

Read "Belly"

Read "Grey" & "Green"

Read The "Eyes" Series

Oh, the places I go!

Links for you to explore

SUCK.com: Frequently funny, Monday through Friday.

The Village Voice: Worth if for M. Musto alone.

PLAYBILL Online: Thespianism.

Last Words